No3: 1111

PHOTO BY LUCIA AUERBACH

LUCIA AUERBACH

Quantum entanglement is a phenomena in quantum physics where two particles that are separated by space still affect each other regardless of the space between them. Where one particle contains the same roots of another; their perfect match. 

I have been enamored with the idea of twin flames.

I cannot help but notice the mirrors consistently surrounding myself. Since I was little, my parents always remarked that I could never look away from my own reflection, regardless if it was a mirror or a dark window. I wouldn’t consider myself vain, though. There was just something about reflections that I could never pull myself away from.

I broke my first mirror when I was 14. Growing up with strong beliefs in superstitions and a love for rules, breaking a mirror wasn’t ignorable. I was packing my room for my anticipated move. Standing on the chipped white stairs outside, I remember an intense feeling of dread, then a rush to the nearest access to the internet to see what I needed to do to repair the biggest mistake I have ever made. So, I collected every last piece of that mirror and put it in a bag. I looked up when the next full moon was. I would already be gone by the time it arrived. With tears strolling down my face, I accepted my fate of 7 years of bad luck.

This is not the last mirror I broke.

Two years later, a fresh 16, I broke my second mirror (I think). In an attempt to make mirror selfies more accessible, I purchased a long mirror with the hopes of fixing it to my wall. The gorilla tape obviously did not hold. I re-entered my bedroom and the mirror laid flat on the floor, a large crack ran through the middle of it. Instead of throwing away the mirror, breaking down over the cracks, or rushing to find the next full moon, I looked at my reflection. The person looking back at me was empty. Passionless. A mold of a person yet to be born. I layed the mirror backup on the wall where it still stands today. It is a reminder that no matter how amazing life may be, we are all just a mold of possibility. The person looking back at us will forever be skewed.

Yet, I still had not fixated on my obsession of mirrors until the past few months. I did enjoy my time with mirrors, I often included metaphors and allusions to them in my own writing. But I didn’t recognize the prevalence of it until I read my journal outloud. 

Sylvia Plath is an author we all love to analyze. So, I thought it was my turn. Without having read any of her work, I have read multiple essays analyzing her impacts on society. While the life and lows of Plath are incredibly attractive, I once again fixated on her motifs of mirrors. Someone other than myself has noticed this phenomena. Which is no surprise, mirrors will always be symbols in every life. This out of body experience drew concern. Why was I so enamored with mirrors?

Symmetry is arguably an innate human need. 

Reflection provides symmetry.

Mirrors provide reflection. 

1111.

Patterns are inarguably signs and symbols of something much larger. Phenomenons can be noticed, but I longed for signs in my own life. What could someone possibly want to tell me?

I have been enamored with the idea of twin flames.

The idea of twin flames is basically the idea of soulmates, but incredibly heightened. The separation of one soul into two bodies. Twin flames are mirrors of one another. Their souls will forever be attached to one another despite any distance between them. Often, twin flames don’t ever come within 1,111 miles of one another. Yet, they will always have their other half in another place. Same era? Maybe. Same culture? Probably not. But when they do collide, the best and the worst of the world melt together. The most intense love, the most intense high, associated with one person, your person. Yet, it is met with the most intense pain, the lowest lows, the pain of loss and loneliness. Twin flames often mirror each other's lives. Mirrored relationships, mirrored names, mirrored circumstances, mirrored symbols. Meeting your twin flame, if they are out there, will often be an odd point. John Hughes wouldn’t be able to explain your meeting.

Yet, the majority of twin flames will never meet.

I have clung onto this idea. The fantasy that there is someone out there that has experienced life from the same perspective and the same soul, I am more than in love with. A selfish voice inside keeps reminding me that everything is fabricated, temporary. One day, this will all end. It will all be a memory. Having a timestamp on every relationship will never be healthy. Yet, twin flames are eternal. That person will always be one half of me.

Am I selfish to assume that I am a twin flame? That there has/is/will be a person out there who shares half of my soul? Of course I am. But the passion of hope will forever propel me towards my fantasy. The mirrors and reflections and symbols that invade my every night’s sleep I will take as a sign, my sign, that they are out there.

Dear Twin Flame,

I will forever be in search of your embrace. Let it be a gust of wind or a wrapped blanket. If we ever find each other, let the world melt away. Let the clocks stop with their incessient ticking and let the mirrors reflect the truth. 

Sincerely,

Lucia 

(I will always be waiting)