No 1: DEAR WRITING
PHOTO BY LUCIA AUERBACH
LUCIA AUERBACH
To the act of writing,
Writing! My dearest friend, you bring me the most fear. Every word I write down is like another piece of sand coming together to bring about the most revealing of mirrors.
See, I haven’t written in months. Today I decided to try again. I wrote many fragments on the pages before this one about my hatred of heat, my first love, forgiveness, Bukowski, the men I met in Paris, my recent heartbreak, and the endless advice I had been given about it.
You see, none of this is actual writing. In fact, I’ve never produced anything at all.
“I think it’s time for you to write again,” said Lucien as we sat on Madison’s fire escape.
The tears continued to fall down my face as I replied, “But I have nothing to say.”
“Writer’s block is a phenomenon experienced by writers that is best described as an overwhelming feeling of being stuck in the writing process without the ability to move forward and write anything new,” said Masterclass.com.
But I never even wrote anything in the first place.
My brain works like a shitty cinematographer who thinks they’re really great and prolific, yet never has anything to show you. I see moments around me and think of their poetry, i.e., the Concorde metro sign, the jellyfish in Monterrey, how I sat at my own dinner party alone and stared off and away, the bridges at night in Paris, the bridge in that home in Deer Valley made of glass, the strawberries we bought in Calabasas, etc. I take pictures of them, make mental notes, and record the sounds around me on my voice memos. But none of these “picturesque” moments has become a grand written piece. They were never even written down in the first place. My only outlets are my Instagram close friend’s story, second Instagram account, the voice memo app, and Spotify playlists.
Is there rehab for this? Never having anything to say? Yet always wanting to say something?
Please give me your most poetic advice. Anonymous. I beg of thee.
Forever yours,
Lucia Auerbach
