No4: DEAR FUTURE DAUGHTER

PHOTO BY LUCIA AUERBACH

REBECCA KOPPELMAN

Dear Future Daughter,

If you’re anything like me, which is how I’m imagining you these days, you’ll have just recently shed your baby fat and been thrust rather forcefully into the male gaze. It will be alarming, to turn eighteen and realize that to a great deal of people you’re just a body onto which they can project their ideal woman. Please don’t let them–don’t mistake docility for real femininity. You come from a long line of repressed poets; from Lilith, from Athena, from Eve–don’t force yourself to become something you’re not, something hard and cruel, just to survive. You can be soft, just don’t be stupid.

Even though companionship is nice, allow yourself to be untethered. You won’t float away if you’re not being held–you can be your own soulmate sometimes. Just please don’t fall in love with an image on a screen, and on that topic, stay away from the boy who tells you he loves you because you look like his favorite pornstar. Neither is real, and both are liars. It might also be worthwhile to keep your distance from the boy who tells you he can see a roaring animal in your eyes, because that’s probably bullshit, too. All this isn’t to say you shouldn’t fall in love, just that you don’t need to. You can define yourself before latching onto somebody else.

Since you’re my daughter, you’ve probably also inherited my generally melancholy worldview–and some of my gaunt, mannish features, too. Sorry about that. I know it sometimes feels like there’s nothing good, nothing beautiful in this world, but if that’s the case, know that you can be the good. You can be the beauty. Obviously, that won’t make your brain produce more serotonin or fix your body image or calm your aching chest, but it might help. Or not. It’s okay to not always be getting better. You’re allowed to fall apart.

A lot of this comes off as sort of glib, I realize, but I mean it. I’m not going to tell you that self care is bubble baths and face masks and chocolate, because that’s not true, but if those things make you happy do them. Fall in love with yourself. Don’t try to be the girl who’s “beautiful but doesn’t know it,” don’t listen to the man that tells you you won’t be hot once you realize it. Just listen to yourself. Love your friends, hug your parents, do what works. I probably love you a lot. Be smart.